“Good morning, everyone. Thank you for attending this voluntary team-building event. I notice attendance has been recorded, so we can all relax in the knowledge that our freedom remains fully documented.
Today’s activities are designed to build trust. We will begin by sharing one personal fact with a colleague, then construct a tower from paper, tape, and the professional relationships we have spent the last six months carefully maintaining.
Please remember that there are no wrong answers. There are, however, answers that will be discussed in your next performance review, though I’m sure that is entirely unrelated.
Management believes that collaboration improves when people step outside their comfort zones. This is why the finance team has been paired with sales, and why nobody has been told what the tower represents. A little uncertainty encourages creativity. Too much uncertainty, I understand, encourages people to update their CVs.
I should also clarify that the photographs taken today may be used in internal communications. If you look delighted, the company may interpret this as evidence of strong morale. If you look unhappy, the company may interpret this as evidence that you need more opportunities to connect. Either way, the camera is a powerful tool for confirming what we already believe.
Now, before we begin, I want to share a personal fact of my own. I once worked somewhere that measured productivity by the number of meetings people attended. Eventually, everyone became excellent at attending meetings. The work itself became a sort of rumour.
I’m not suggesting that our company is making the same mistake. I’m merely pleased that we have reserved the entire afternoon to practise cooperation rather than, for example, cooperate on the actual work.
So, please enjoy yourselves. Your enthusiasm is appreciated, your feedback is welcome, and your participation is entirely voluntary. The sign-in sheet is by the door.”
Fiction note: The speaker, company, employees, event, and workplace described in this text are fictional.