The key idea
Choose how direct, polite and detailed to be for each reader and situation.
What is it for?
Learn how to change your words and details for different readers.
What you need to know
- Think about who will read your message.
- Use direct words with people you know well.
- Use softer requests for less familiar people.
- Choose enough detail for your reader.
- Keep your message clear, polite and useful.
1. Think about your reader
The same message can sound different to different people.
Think about your reader before you start writing.
A friend may prefer relaxed words. A teacher may expect more polite words.
A customer service worker needs clear facts about your problem.
- Friend: use a friendly, relaxed tone.
- Teacher: use polite words and a clear request.
- Customer service: explain the problem and what you need.
Hey, can you check this for me?
This sounds friendly and relaxed.
Could you please check my work?
This is polite for a teacher.
Could you check my order number, please?
This is polite and clear for customer service.
2. Make requests more polite
Direct requests are short and clear.
They can sound rude when you do not know the reader well.
Softer requests show respect. Choose the form that fits the situation.
- Direct: Send me the file.
- Polite: Could you send me the file?
- More formal: Would you mind sending me the file?
- Use please to make many requests sound softer.
Give me the information.
This can sound too direct.
Could you give me the information, please?
This sounds more polite.
Would you mind sending me the details?
This suits a more formal request.
3. Give bad news carefully
Some messages contain problems or disappointing news.
A short phrase can make this news sound less harsh.
Then explain the problem clearly. Do not hide the important facts.
- Use I'm afraid before a problem or disappointing fact.
- Use Unfortunately to introduce bad news.
- Use I'm sorry to say for a serious or disappointing message.
I'm afraid the room is not ready.
This introduces a problem politely.
Unfortunately, your order is late.
This gives bad news clearly.
I'm sorry to say that we cannot help today.
This sounds careful and respectful.
4. Choose the right amount of detail
Your reader needs enough information to understand your message.
A friend may already know what happened.
A stranger needs more facts. Explain the problem, place or date when needed.
Avoid three problems: rude words, cold words and too much information.
- Rude: Give me my money now!
- Cold: Your request has been received.
- Too long: Add many details that do not help the reader.
- Better: Be clear, polite and brief.
The bus was late again. Can you meet me at six?
A friend may know which bus you mean.
My bus from Central Street was 20 minutes late today.
A new reader gets useful details.
Could you please check my payment? I paid on Monday.
This gives a clear request and a useful fact.
How to do it, step by step
- Think about your reader and your reason for writing.
- Choose a friendly, polite or formal tone.
- Decide how much information the reader needs.
- Write your message with suitable words and details.
- Check that your message sounds clear and respectful.
Formulas and key language
| Use it for | Example | Another example |
|---|---|---|
| Hey, can you + base verb ...? | Hey, can you check this? | Hey, can you call me later? |
| Could you + base verb ..., please? | Could you open the window, please? | Could you send the form, please? |
| Would you mind + verb-ing ...? | Would you mind checking the date? | Would you mind closing the door? |
| I'm afraid + sentence | I'm afraid the shop is closed. | I'm afraid I cannot come today. |
| Unfortunately, + sentence | Unfortunately, the bus is late. | Unfortunately, we have no rooms today. |
| I'm sorry to say that + sentence | I'm sorry to say that your order is late. | I'm sorry to say that the class is full. |
| I need + noun + by + time | I need the form by Friday. | I need the keys by noon. |
| Could you please let me know + question word ...? | Could you please let me know when it arrives? | Could you please let me know where to wait? |
UK / US: British and American English both use polite requests. Some words differ, such as lift in British English and elevator in American English.
Level up: Replace basic words (good, very, nice) with stronger ones. See our A2 to B1 upgrades page.
Model text
One request in three tones
1. Friendly message to a friend
Hi Sam, can you send me the class notes? I missed the lesson yesterday because I was ill. I think the lesson was about verbs. Please send them when you have time. I can call you tonight if you want. Thanks!
The greeting and relaxed request suit a friend. The reason gives useful context.
2. Polite message to a teacher
Hello Ms Lee, could you please send me the class notes from yesterday? I was away because I was ill, and I need the notes for my homework. I can read them at home tonight. Thank you very much for your help. Best wishes, Alex
The greeting and polite request show respect. The reason explains what the writer needs.
3. Formal message to customer service
Dear Customer Service Team, I'm afraid I cannot find the notes from yesterday's online class. I looked in my account, but the page is empty. Could you please tell me how to find them? I need the notes for my homework, which is due on Friday. Thank you for your help. Kind regards, Alex
The formal greeting and closing suit a service team. The problem and request are clear.
Common mistakes
✗ Send me the file now.
✓ Could you send me the file, please?
The softer request sounds more polite to an unfamiliar reader.
✗ Hey, teacher, give me the answer.
✓ Could you please explain the answer?
A polite request suits a message to a teacher.
✗ Unfortunately your order is late.
✓ Unfortunately, your order is late.
Use a comma after this opening phrase.
✗ Would you mind to check the date?
✓ Would you mind checking the date?
Use a verb ending in -ing after would you mind.
✗ Your problem is not important.
✓ I'm afraid we cannot help with this problem today.
The first sentence sounds rude and dismissive.
✗ I need help with my order. I bought it on Monday, at noon, after lunch, with my sister, near the station.
✓ I need help with my order. I bought it on Monday.
Keep details that help the reader understand the problem.
Plan it, then check it
Plan
- Write down who will read your message.
- Choose a friendly, polite or formal tone.
- List the facts your reader needs.
- Choose a clear request or next step.
Check
- Does my tone suit the reader?
- Is my request polite enough for this situation?
- Have I explained the problem clearly?
- Have I included useful details only?
- Could any words sound rude or too cold?
Practice
Choose the best tone
Choose the best message for each reader and situation.
1.You ask a close friend to bring your book.
A relaxed request suits a close friend.
2.You ask your teacher to explain a mark.
A polite request shows respect for your teacher.
3.You tell customer service about a missing order.
A formal message gives the problem and a clear request.
4.You tell a friend that you cannot meet today.
A simple, friendly message suits someone you know well.
5.You tell a customer that delivery is late.
Polite words and a useful update suit a customer.
6.You ask a new neighbour to lower the music.
A soft request helps keep a new relationship friendly.
Match direct and softer phrases
Match each direct phrase with a softer phrase.
1.Send me the file.
2.Tell me the time.
3.Check my payment.
4.Give me the details.
5.Open the window.
6.Explain the problem.
Soften the bad news
Complete each message with the phrase in brackets.
1., the shop is closed today. (Unfortunately)
Unfortunately introduces bad news politely.
2., I cannot come to class today. (I'm afraid)
I'm afraid makes disappointing news sound softer.
3. that your order is late. (I'm sorry to say)
I'm sorry to say introduces disappointing news carefully.
4., the bus will arrive late. (Unfortunately)
Unfortunately prepares the reader for bad news.
5., we cannot repair your phone today. (I'm afraid)
I'm afraid softens a clear statement about a problem.
6. that the class is full. (I'm sorry to say)
I'm sorry to say shows care when giving disappointing news.
Make the message more polite
Change one word or phrase in each sentence.
1.Give me the file, please.
A polite request is better for an unfamiliar reader.
2.Tell me the answer, please.
Could you makes the request softer.
3.Send the details to me.
A polite request sounds less demanding.
4.Your order is late.
A softening phrase makes bad news less harsh.
5.Open the door.
A polite request is softer than a direct order.
Now write
Your task
Write the same message in two tones. The heating is broken in your home. First, write to a neighbour you know. Then, write to your landlord. Use these made-up details: the heating stopped last night, the rooms are cold, and you need help today. Message 1 should sound friendly. Message 2 should sound polite and clear. Here is a draft to help you begin: 'Hi, the heating stopped last night, and my rooms are cold. Could you help me today?' Change the words for each reader.
Word bank
heatingbrokencoldlast nighttodayCould you help?Could you please check?I'm afraidUnfortunatelyWould you mindpleaserepairproblemThank you
Sentence starters
- Hi, I wanted to tell you that ...
- The heating stopped ...
- Could you help me ...?
- Dear ..., I'm afraid ...
- Could you please arrange ...?
- Thank you for ...